I know my kids love me, not just the thought of me, but me.

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

Yesterday was a great day.

Laurie and I went floating the river with the family, well, the family minus David and Courtney, they couldn't make it; for that matter, neither could Nick. Well, if I am to go down this road, Kim couldn't make it either (he was in Canada fishing). Katie was also not here; she was still in Spearfish, South Dakota. 

Mary wasn't here;

1. She doesn't like to float
2. She lives in Wyoming, which is an inhibitor to floating a river in Western Washington.

Jed and his family were busy in Omaha, Nebraska.

Hannah, my Turkey hunting partner, and her hubby were in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

And finally, my dad, who doesn't leave his room in Rapid City, is 89 after all, and farts a lot when he walks.

Something for me to look forward to, evidently, Genetics being what they are.

But the rest of us had a great time.

It was a lazy float.

Our rivers out here are vastly different from those in Minnesota or Kansas, for that matter.

Minnesota rivers have a silt bottom; the rivers out here are filled with rocks.

The rivers in Kansas don't have water, a real bummer when you want to float a river.

Let me be perfectly clear, NO!

For those of you who don't understand that last line, it's ok. The people who do are now laughing their a__es off. 

It is an email I wrote to a very passive-aggressive response from a staff member.

I do want to be perfectly clear. Being a throwaway boy does not extend to my children.

They would not let me even walk on the rocky bottom of the river out of fear that I would hurt my artificial ankle.

I forgot my hat, so Brandon gave me his, so my face cancer wouldn't get worse.

I know my kids love me, not just the thought of me, but me.

The grandkids took good care of Laurie and me.

I have a really cool family.

I'm not exactly sure how I managed to have such a cool family, considering all the trauma, moles, warts, and other imperfections I have, but I'll take the fact that I have a really cool family.

I am still horrified by my throwaway life.

As I work through my trauma, I am getting better at the thought of being alone, living alone, and being ok with it.

Just because I'm getting better at the thought of being ok with living alone, does not mean I am heading in that direction, nor do I relish it. Besides, relish belongs on a hot dog, not part being alone, just sayin.

It means that I can share my thoughts, wishes, and desires with those who I once thought would leave me if I did.

I was sitting in my backyard by the river with Daryll. If you don't know who Daryll is, you'll just have to sort through all my breads until you find out who Daryll is.

I was telling him about my throwaway boy living a throwaway life, and he made the observation, "It is amazing how many people you have helped over the years, all the while feeling this way. It is astonishing how God uses the most broken to help others."

Daryll was right, I am nothing more than a cracked pot. God uses me daily to help others. It's not from all my schooling or graduate degrees, but rather God using my weaknesses for His strength. A guy named Paul said something similar once, now if I could only remember where I read it.

If you are feeling a bit broken, maybe not useful because of your brokenness. Perhaps you should allow God to do a work in you.

Just something to think about.

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

I am not ok but everything's going to be alright

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

Yep, you guessed it; I've titled this after a Jelly Roll song. My wife says Jelly Roll is my dopelganger.

I have discussed my journey with you and the importance of counseling within it. This however is not about that journey.

This is something different. I am going to talk with you about how the YMCA comes alongside those who need just a bit of help as they journey the path of life.

As a chaplain, I have been called to a number of tragic and traumatic situations. When I get "on scene" the first thing I do is an assessment. In my world, we call that CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management).

One year there was a drowning in a local river that our Y staff responded to. It was a child who had drowned and there was more than enough trauma to go around. I had two lifeguards, one camp director, the family, and a number of ancillary people who just happened to be at the scene when it happened but were not involved with the incident (collateral damage).

It became apparent to me rather quickly that I needed to get trauma counselors involved quickly. I made a call to one of my resources and had two Psychologists available to talk to the lifeguards within the hour. I had multiple counselors on standby if needed.

We made it through this tragedy. People got the help they needed and while there are still lingering effects from it, for the most part, people are doing better.

We had a brand new CEO at the time of this event. He asked me if I could help him find a mental health partner for his staff. He said that he had been looking for a partner for over a year, with no luck. I asked him what he was looking for.

He said, "I have two main criteria."

1. That it be timely (At the time it could take up to 3 months to get into a counseling service)
2. It can't be expensive for the staff.

I said I would help.

Within a month I had a meeting set with a counseling service. We brokered a partnership, created an MOU (Memorandum of Understanding). Successfully creating an EAP for the organization. The counseling service agreed to get a person in front of a counselor within two weeks at a cost of around $15 to the staff.

How did I make this happen you might ask. It is simple, I came into the right relationship with the organization, built trust over time, and when I made the ask about partnering they were more than willing to help.

When the YMCA comes into a community, we start by listening to the community's needs. We then work really hard at filling any void that may be there so that we can build strong kids, strong families, strong communities. 

Sometimes the community we are helping is our own internal community.

You see, as the Y works in the community, the staff come across some pretty narly things, and sometimes they need a little extra help. The staff are part of the community too.

The funny thing is, while I was able to help broker a deal for the Y, I was also able to leverage this experience to help others who need it.

Let's just say, I am keeping them very busy.

People come out of the counseling and when I ask them how they are doing many times they will say, "I'm not ok, but everything's going to be alright."

A hope and a future. Somebody said that once, I wish I could remember where I read it.

If you need a little extra help, contact a chaplain at the Y. They will be more than willing to lend a hand.

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

Battling homelessness is like any good loving relationship.

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

We have been talking about some pretty heavy stuff lately. I hope I am not causing trauma in you by us talking about it.

I want to talk about something else today, something a little lighter.

Homelessness. More aptly, homelessness and how the YMCA is doing its part to combat it.

I was talking with a friend, I know, you are going to say, "You have a friend?" Yes, I have a friend. I used to have two, but that is a story for another day.

He was talking about these organizations and philanthropic groups that have the idea stuck in their heads that we can build our way out of homelessness. The reason people are homeless is the fact that there is no affordable housing in our region. Their idea is that if we only build affordable housing the problem will be solved. There is actually a lot of money being thrown in this direction. While that may be the case, housing prices being too high may be a contributor.

People with money can be so out of touch.

There is no way we can outbuild the homeless problem. Do you know that other states actually bus their homeless people to our region because we have so many services? You can't outbuild a problem that if you just bring in another service/program, states will send even more people.

Anyone who has actually worked with homeless people knows that the problem starts in childhood.

Yes, there are those who became homeless because they lost their job. Or because they got hooked on drugs or alcohol. There are a lot of reasons people become homeless.

But here is the big one. Most homeless people became homeless by running away from abuse. They didn't even start using drugs until they became homeless and started using to self-medicate because they were homeless. Most homeless people have very high ACE scores, Adverse Childhood Experiences.

While a portion of the population became homeless because of loss of job, addiction, and unaffordable housing, a majority of homeless adults started as homeless kids.

This is where the Y, your Y comes in.

We offer a variety of programs designed to combat homelessness, but you just don't see it at first glance.

Let's go through a few, shall we?

Unaffordable Housing:

Picnic in the Park. This is a program that actually started because of the need to provide food to kids at risk for hunger during the summer months when the schools are out, and the hot lunch program goes away. What we quickly learned was that it was more than just kids who were hungry. And, there were more types of hunger than we thought. We were also fighting loneliness and social isolation. You see, when a mom doesn't have to choose between paying rent and feeding her children she can stay in the housing she is currently in. When people from all walks of life come together and form a community that they previously never thought existed, help comes in the form of neighbor helping neighbor. I'm talking about more than food now, These people come together over a meal, Picnic in the Park, become friends and the next thing you know they are helping each other out. Sharing clothing when their kids grow out of it, and receiving those clothes as their children grow into them. Watching each other's kids so that daycare becomes less expensive and less of an issue. Social and emotional support. So often we may be really good at one thing but horrible at another. Take building and maintaining a budget. This alone could drive someone to homelessness just because they don't do this well. Someone in the Park (I will use this analogy) might be really good at budgeting and will help their neighbor out. This same person may not be very good at sourcing affordable nutritious meals, while the person who is not good at the budget is very good at meals. Bringing these people together opens a door that was not seen before.

Abuse:

The YMCA battles child abuse every day. I cannot tell you how many stories I have been told by adults who said, "The Y was my safe space." They would go to the Y to hide from their abuser. Every one of these people telling these stories held down jobs, owned homes, and were functioning members of society.

Our camp staff and Y-time staff are trained to spot behaviors and work with these kids. Oftentimes they are the ones calling the authorities to report abuse. Don't believe me just ask some staff who work with kids, you will find out. I often tell the Youth staff that they may be the only person showing that kid healthy love all day. Their job is very important.

Addiction:

The Y has many partners and collaborates with many other organizations that will help those battling with addiction as they work on themselves at the Y. The Y has support groups, I like to call them micro-communities, that give people a place to belong.

You see, battling homelessness is more than just trying to outbuild it. Battling homelessness is like any good loving relationship. A good loving relationship isn't just one big thing, it is a lot of little things adding up to a big beautiful loving relationship. A relationship that can change a kid, a family, a community; a relationship that can change the world.

The next time you walk into your Y try looking at it with a fresh set of eyes. I think you will see it differently, I think you will see a beautiful thing.

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger