For me, trauma is like a boiling frog

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I'd like to talk about something with you.

I have been going to counseling. In fact, I have been in counseling for quite a while. You see, I always knew that I had trauma in my life, first in the military, and then as a chaplain. I have both seen things and have come alongside people who have been traumatized by something. 

My running joke had always been, "I have been a chaplain for twenty years. I have spent the last twenty years traumatizing myself." 

For me, trauma was like a boiling frog. You know the analogy, "If you put a frog in boiling water it will jump right out, but if you put a frog in cool water and slowly bring it to a boil, it will just sit there until it dies." Trauma had been just like that for me. I am told that I have very good coping skills, and I would use those skills when confronted with trauma. I was the guy you wanted in an emergency. While everyone else was freaking out, I was calm and looking for solutions, at least on the outside. After the problem was solved, a solution was made, and everyone else was calming down, I would find a quiet corner and let it out, usually in the form of my body shaking, and a good cry. Nobody ever saw it, so nobody ever knew. In fact, I can count on one hand everyone who ever saw me cry, you had to be a very safe person for me to show that side of me.

Back to the frog.

Towards the end of my time at the "Y" my trauma bucket had filled up, pretty much to the top. Things were getting sticky. What I mean by that is I always told people who would come to my office, sit in my chair, and spill their guts that I was like Teflon. They could shed whatever it was that was bothering them on me and it would slide right off. Well, toward the end, it wasn't sliding anymore. Someone would share a disaster in their life and it would stick to me; this became a problem. If you get immersed in the person's issue, you then become part of the problem instead of the solution. 

I'm that chaplain who collected Psy-Ds as friends. You see, I always knew my limits, something that I wish more pastors would figure out for themselves. Many of the people that I saw, had started by talking to their pastor. While the pastor may be a good preacher/teacher, this fact does not automatically make them a counselor and they don't know when the problem is more than they were trained for. In fact, many have the Messiah complex, which is that they believe they can fix anything. The next thing you know the person was in front of me. I would assess the situation and many times I would refer them to a specific counselor or psychologist (Psy-D). So over the years, I collected a variety of them, Clinical, Behavioral, Trauma...I never knew how handy this would become or how much I would need it.

I am glad that I have these people in my life and that they are both willing and able to help me process the things that continue to haunt me. 

I guess I wanted to tell you this to say that, if you are struggling with something, it is ok to admit it and to go find help. By the way, you are not alone. I know the little voice in your head will tell you nobody will understand and all you will get is judged, but that simply is not the case. 

I have yet to meet anyone, who has lived life into adulthood and has come through totally unscathed. If they tell you they have, the truth is not in them, or they are so self-unaware that they are actually dangerous to be around. 

We will talk more about this in the coming days, but think about it.

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger