I have to keep reminding myself that today is where life is.

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

This wandering in the open is not as easy as it would seem. 

I have to remain intentional. 

I find that if I just let my mind wander it still tends to either lean to the past or try to run ahead into the distant future. If I don't remain conscious of what I am having my mind work on, it can end up working on things that I never intended it to work on in the first place. 

I can ignore all the signs and end up in trouble. 

I know what you are thinking, "How can you possibly ignore multiple signs or even one sign that warns you of multiple mishaps?"

Well, I am glad you asked. I just happen to have a picture for you.

Laurie and I were with friends (obviously, I don't own a Cadillac SUV) and saw this sign. As you can plainly see, we parked, we stopped, and we stood. I guess the only question that came to my mind was, "Just how are they (the maker of the sign) defining 'at any time'?" 

I just about went on a 30,000-word tirade regarding the phrase "at any time" and the relevance of it to what we are talking about, but I didn't, I am awake to my thoughts at the moment, and am not going to go unconsciously into a thought pattern that will get us way off course:)

I am walking in the open and I can see a long way ahead of me if I choose to look. I can see a long way behind me if I choose to look. If I start to sleepwalk and just let my mind run it will either end up running way ahead or running way back into the past. 

There will be no sleepwalking today. I am enjoying the present. I am going to see many people today at my YMCA and I want to be present to all of them. I want to enjoy my time with them. 

The past is gone and tomorrow will take care of itself.

I have to keep reminding myself that today is where life is. 

Are you enjoying today, or are you letting your mind run way ahead, or way behind? 

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

One last thing, "Love them when they are small and they will love you when you are old."

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I had a great weekend, I hope you did as well!

I canoed the Willamette River with my youngest son David Saturday.

There is nothing like spending quality time alone with a person, and the canoe definitely lends itself to creating that space. 

This time it was with my son David. We canoed from Independence to Salem, it only took a couple of hours and the conversation was amazing. 

David hates small talk. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. David can go deep, something I love. David was worried about his dad, I love that too. 

We talked about lots of stuff, but mostly we talked about life. 

I got the opportunity to tell him how proud I was of him and that I'm with him all the way. 

David doesn't have kids yet. We talked about this a bit. I didn't bring it up, he did.

In the midst of the conversation David said, "Dad, I don't want you to take this the wrong way (David is very emotionally savvy and is always prefacing things so he doesn't upset people). I have been thinking about this and one of the big reasons I am afraid of being a dad is that I won't do it as well as you did."

I said, "What do you mean?"

He said, "You were always there for us. No matter how tired you were you always rode bikes with us, or played football or catch with us. Nick (His sister who lives with him) put a hole in the wall, and I remember when I did that as a kid and how you just looked at the hole and said, 'Ok kids let's load up and go to Home Depot, I am going to teach you how to fix a hole in the drywall.' You didn't care that it was 2-days before Christmas and you had the entire youth group over at the house for a youth group party. You loaded the entire group up in two cars and you and Lolo drove us to Home Depot, got the stuff and we patched a hole that night. You made it fun"

I remembered that when Nick put a hole in the wall of my house. I just said, "Ok Nick, let's go to Home Depot."

He went on to say, how many of his friends had parents who just kind of forgot about them or spent their time yelling at them, even in front of their friends.   

I am afraid that I won't do it as good as you did.

I just looked at my son and said, "David, there is a good chance you won't be as good a dad as I am. No, I am pretty sure you will be a whole lot better!" 

I went on to say, "Just look at Brandon, he is blowing me right out of the water. What makes you think that you will be any different?"

Laurie and I have some great kids. 

Dave, Dave, and I spent some real quality time on the river Saturday, we will be spending more time in the near future as Brandon, Levi, David and I will be canoeing the entire river in a few weeks, spending our nights on islands, and having amazing conversations. 

For a guy who could have done just about anything in his life, but only wanted to be a great dad and a good husband, this was music to my ears.

Life is good. 

One last thing, "Love them when they are small and they will love you when you are old."

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Context, it's important

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well. 

The church can be a funny place. I hear all sorts of stuff at church, most of which is unrelated to God. 

I was listening to one of the elders, (I will call him Luke; yes, it is his real name and a story always goes better with a real name.) a guy that is part of the Shepherds Team, a leader in the church, I could go on but once again I hear all sorts of stuff in church, and as I said, most of which is not related to God at all. 

Like this one:

He starts with, "I was in the living room doing guy stuff, (Whatever 'guy stuff' is, he didn't elaborate), and I hear one of my kids (who is in the kitchen with his mother say, "I have goat nipples." 

He then goes on to say, "I heard a pause and then my wife (the kid's mom) says, "Well you might want to get that looked at."

What Luke hadn't bothered to mention yet is that they live on a farm and raise goats; a little known fact about "raising" animals is that you typically have adult animals, young animals, and usually in the spring you have baby animals. When you have baby animals bottle feeding comes to mind. Bottle feeding is an experience in itself, and yes it includes a bottle and low and behold nipples. 

Luke's child was in the kitchen with his mother and she was washing bottles and he had brought the bottle nipples. 

Up until the point where Luke talked about the farm, the whole congregation was wondering just where this story was going. Luke got a big laugh, he is a funny guy. 

We also learned that Luke is a hunk, a hunk of burning love that morning. Once again context is important, but I won't go into that now. I think I will leave that for a later bread!

Context it's important. 

Butterfly moment;

I was with a friend the other day and she looks over and says, "Oh look a  cow."

I say, "Yep."

Then she says, "Oh look a baby calf."

I said, "You are very observant. Have you ever bottle-fed a calf?"

She said, "No."

I said, "You have to be careful, if you aren't paying attention the calf will suck your arm all the up to your elbow in its mouth. When you pull it out it will be covered with that slime they use in alien movies."

She said, "Gross, I don't want to bottle feed a calf."

Back to what we were talking about.

Context. 

I have left the forest. 

I am clearly walking the path out in the open. 

I have the opportunity to look far down the road if I want. I don't want to. It wouldn't be good for me. 

I have the opportunity to gaze into my past if I want to. I don't want to. It wouldn't be good for me. 

I am content to look a bit down the road; glancing into the past just to get context.

I do hear a river up ahead, I wonder if it is the same river that I heard in the forest. I am not worried about it, I will find out soon enough. 

For now, I am just enjoying my walk. 

The funny thing about those tapes in your head, they distort Context. If I was still listening to those tapes there is a good chance I would have gone to the doctor to have my goat nipples looked at. 

It took me a while to unravel and unbind the truth from the lie. 

I don't have goat nipples. No, I have bottles that have bottle nipples. 

Why would I need baby bottles you ask?

Well, it is quite simple really. God asked me., "Do you love me?'

I said, "Yes, you know I love you."

God said, "Feed my sheep."

I love God, so I am feeding His sheep.

Are you feeding anything? If so what are you feeding?

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

We need more "Y" people. The world would be better off if we did.

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I am definitely coming to a clearing; there is more blue sky showing all the time. I wonder what kind of a clearing it will be, big, small, I cannot tell just yet? 

A thought just crossed my mind. I wonder if I am almost out of the woods? I have this feeling that I am getting close. My traveling companion doesn't seem to look at me with anxiety on her face. She is smiling more, laughing more. I am taking that as a good sign. 

Well, enough wondering about that. If I wonder for too long I will begin to ponder, and pondering has a bad habit of turning into perseverating, which is just another word for staring into the future and seeing mirages. 

Not going to do that. It wouldn't be prudent. 

The path has become flat and easy; not so much uphill, downhill, and sidehill walking. Just a flat path that is a bit straighter and not quite so curvy. 

The past week has been a good week, Darryl and I have driven back and forth to corporate a few times with only a small number of "It's on your side" moments. We have figured out a few organizational issues, and have drawn on the whiteboard, you know the one; it was the whiteboard that Wonder Woman held up because it was too heavy for me and Darryl.  

I sat in my office, which is right by the front desk of our "Y" and watched people. I look at their shoes. Most have muddy boots. On most boots the mud is fresh, some are stuck, a lot of people are trudging, many all alone. There are a few fancy shoe people, but not many. 

The fancy shoe people are funny. They complain about stuff that really doesn't matter, that is unless all your other needs are met and life is good, then I guess a shower head that still drips water when you shut it off is the end of the world! Or the water temperature of the pool is only 85 degrees and not 88 and your whole world collapses. 

You don't hear that kind of stuff from the muddy boot people, they have more on their mind than that. 

There are too many muddy-boot people for me to connect with all by myself. So I have asked for and gotten help. I am getting close to having 20 volunteer chaplains and a number of staff that have come alongside these peeps and walked with them. 

The volunteer chaplains are muddy boot people and so are the staff. 

A Gordon Lightfoot song just popped into my head!

Muddy boot people always seem to know when to call
Muddy boot people don't talk, they listen till they've heard it all
Muddy boot lovers don't lie when they tell you they've been down like you
Muddy boot people don't mind if you cry on a tear or two

I adapted it a bit, in case you hadn't noticed. 

Have I ever mentioned that it is loud in my head?

Do you know what I love about our "Y"? It is the staff. They are so good at handling fancy shoe people so that they feel heard, all the while working with muddy boot people in a way that they don't feel shame for having muddy boots. 

We need more "Y" people. The world would be better off if we did. 

What kind of a person are you? 

Are you who you want to be? 

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

There is always a tell.

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

We have been walking through the woods for some time now. When I look ahead I am starting to see signs of a clearing. 

You know the feeling, you are walking through the forest and gradually you start to see more sky through the trees; not when you look straight in front of you close to the ground, but when you look up a bit, not way up but at a decent angle toward the sky, you start to see more sky through the canopy, as if there are fewer trees all of a sudden. 

We are definitely coming to a clearing or something. It will be interesting to see what I see.

I am so grateful to have someone who is willing and able to walk with me, as I make my way down this path; I never would have made it this far alone. 

I know I am healing.

I know I am getting better.

I know that I am becoming whole again. 

My heart feels lighter.

My head seems clearer.

My thoughts go up and not down. 

My spidey senses are back. 

If you are wondering what I mean about my spidey senses, it is a term that one of my psychologist friends gave me long ago.

He said, "Roger, God gave you a gift. You have this unique ability to peer into a person, get past the mask, get past the lie, and see the pain that inhabits their soul."

He called it a gift, time will tell how much of a gift it truly was. 

When I talk with people, I can see their pain. Lots of times I see the pain that they won't talk about for a long time. So I have to be patient and wait for when they are either ready to talk about it, or it cannot be held back any longer and the dam bursts with all that "stuff" cascading out like a waterfall. 

For a long time, I wore what I called Teflon armor. 

People would talk with me, and tell me their stuff but it wouldn't stick to me, their stuff would just slide off, like that burnt egg in those stupid infomercials. 

I think one of the reasons I was stuck in the mud was my armor had worn out and things began to stick.  

I needed new armor. 

You don't just go buy this kind of armor. No, you have to forge it yourself. 

One of the things that my companion and I have been doing is working on my armor. 

In the words of Wonder Woman, "Long story, longer."

I say all that just to say, "My spidey senses are back."

People will be talking with me, everything is fine and light. Then they say a word, or their posture shifts, an inflection changes.

There is always a tell. 

My spidey senses go up and I suddenly become more aware of all that is around me. 

I start to see into them, and there it is.

The pain. 

Life is hard.

Everyone has pain.

I tell people, "Life is what happens when we are busy planning life."

I wish we didn't have to have pain, but I know that is unrealistic. 

I guess the best that I could wish for is that when something painful happens to a person they get the help they need while it is still on the surface, where it can be removed more easily, and not let it fester until it is so deep we have to do major surgery to dig it out. 

I had to do major surgery to dig out my pain, I have scars to show for it. 

My wish would be that I was the only one to have to go through it, the surgery was dangerous and painful. I almost died. 

Thanks again to my traveling companion for being with me "All the way."

If you need to talk to someone, don't put it off.

Do you need to talk to someone?

Is there pain in you that is digging deeper?

Take a look inward and ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

Darryl's new camp name is T-Bone

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

Darryl and I have been carpooling to the corporate office lately. I had originally thought this was a good idea, but recently I have begun to rethink my initial thoughts. 

I think that I mentioned that Darryl has been going through a midlife crisis. He has joined a gym, started a workout routine, gone on a diet, and bought a car; he has even started to trim his beard. 

There is nothing worse than a sasquatch in the middle of a midlife crisis. 

I can't remember the last time I heard a complete sentence from Darryl. 

As I mentioned earlier Darryl and I have been carpooling to the corporate office. Darryl insists that he drive. After all, what good is it to have a midlife crisis car and not drive it?

My traveling companion and I have been having a lot of fun walking through the woods. 

Actually, without my companion, I really don't think I would be where I am today, which is quite a long way from the mud. I haven't looked at the past for quite some time and in fact, haven't even thought about how I could end it all for a while. 

I would say that I am out of the woods, but we all know that I am still in the woods, just walking along, singing a song.

Darryl has been driving me to corporate, or should I say I have somehow not died, as Darryl And I made our way to corporate.

Darryl is very proud of his midlife crisis car. 

When he first told me he got a sports car, I asked him what he bought? 

Darryl said, "I bought a Porsche!"

I replied, "Wow, show me a picture!"

Evidently, Darryl spells Porshe G-O-L-F. 

This will explain a lot very soon.

So Darryl has developed a bad habit of turning left in front of oncoming traffic. When I gasp, he just laughs and says, "It is on your side!" Just last Thursday he did this 3 times on the way to corporate.

I finally make it out of the mud and am far enough down the path that I don't even think of ways to end it all and here is Darryl giving me new ideas. 

Uggg....

Trevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvor has decided that we all need camp names. For the longest time, Darryl went with the name Polar Bear. But I am giving him a new Camp name.

Darryl's new camp name is going to be T-Bone. 

Darryl is a good friend and a good traveling companion. He keeps things interesting.

As we walk down the path of life, it is good to know that we have people that we can depend upon. I feel blessed and lucky to have the people in my life that I have. Without them, I am not so sure that I would be here bothering you right now. 

If you have people you can depend on, be grateful, if you don't, find some. Life is not meant to be lived alone. 

Take a look around you and see what you have got.

Are you where you want to be?

Do you want something different?

Do you want something more?

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger

Lately, I have been thinking about food.

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

When you walk down a path in the woods, a forest, a place where a lot of trees tend to grow; whatever you want to call it, you have time to think. 

Lately, I have been thinking about food. 

I guess walking burns calories, and calories need to be replaced. Evidently, calories live in food, so one has to eat food to obtain calories, or so I am told. 

So lately, I have been thinking about food. 

Now I do have to get one thing straight. I am not a picky eater. I think it stems from my growing up years and my mother. Mom was a lot of things, a fabulous cook not being one of them. I am not saying anything she hasn't already admitted to. I guess that is what happens when you take a Kennicott off the estate and take away their wait staff, chefs, and cooks. 

Mom, once fried bologna and made rice. The bologna cupped up when fried, mom spooned rice into the bologna, gave it a fancy French name (I guess that makes it taste better), and served it for dinner. Dad ate it like it was candy, Betty and I just looked at each other and said, "You first."  

I lost, took a bite, and found out that while it might not be in my top 53 favorite foods, I didn't die (Scratch that one off the list), so all is good. 

So I was walking along the path thinking about food, oddly enough bologna did not cross my mind. 

I started thinking about:

• Macaroni and cheese
• Tacos
• Sushi
• BBQ
• French bread, cheese, and hard salami
• Cheese

Macaroni and cheese, as I thought about this, I kept going back to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I know it isn't the "gourmet" Macaroni and Cheese, but I do like me some good Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. After all, you are talking to the guy who does not despise fried bologna and rice. 

Tacos, A good street taco is not to be scoffed at. And the best street tacos are often found on the street, go figure. Usually in a trailer that says, "Tacos." 

Sushi is awesome but can be scary. My buddy Chuck and I love Sushi. We are also very cheap. Not gas station Sushi cheap. but pretty darn close. We went to this sushi place a few times and started to notice the same Sushi being served over a few days. We asked the waitress (Is this politically correct anymore, I can never tell?)  The waitperson (Look how I have adapted) said, "Maybe, I can't really tell. We just keep the train moving and hope for the best. She didn't really say that, but it was surely implied. 

We didn't go back to that Sushi place. 

BBQ, I have found the best BBQ in America! You might think I am lying, but I am not. I am not going to tell you where it is either. Ha...but it is good stuff, Maynard!

French Bread, cheese, and hard salami. I only bring that out for my most favorite people. It is actually reserved for only me and my traveling companion. This is special, what is amazing about French Bread, cheese, and hard salami is that it brings out great conversations. You know, the conversations that keep building long after the conversation is over. My kind of conversation. 

Cheese, I love cheese, it is my kryptonite! You name the cheese and I will eat it. 

Yes, walking down a path will bring out the hangry in anyone. 

But you know what? I would rather walk through the woods with my traveling companion and be hungry, tired, and sore; than anywhere else in the world. 

There is nothing like being with someone who you know, and I mean know, has your back. 

I am learning that there is no greater love than that. I am learning that it really doesn't matter what goes on in life as long as you have that! 

Life isn't one big thing, it is a bunch of little things brought together to make the big thing. And walking through life with someone who has your back is something that is made up of a bunch of little things. All those little things make up that big thing, that everyone is looking for. 

I will continue to keep my eyes open, to look at the here and now. 

Oh, and by the way thank you for walking with me.

Blessings,

Roger