I told this to Trevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvor and he said, "Making you miserable is my job, don't do my job!"

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

Let us get one thing straight right now. 

Just because I no longer feel "stuck," this doesn't mean that I have miraculously been healed, or that I have amazingly enough become light and happy! No, I still feel sad, have dark thoughts, and am not gooey inside. All this means is that I have taken a good hard look at myself, and taken a good hard look at the "tapes" that play in my head. Even though I know the tapes are complete lies and are spoken to me by the enemy, it doesn't mean that they still don't hurt me. 

My "tapes" hurt me very much. They say awful things, horrible things.

Things like:

• You are stupid.
• You are ugly.
• You are fat. 
• You have nothing of value to share.
• If people really knew you they would hate you.
• You are unlovable. 
• The world would be better off without you.

I am learning to respond with:

• I am not stupid.
• I am not ugly
• Ok, you might have me there; I do need to lose weight.
• I do have things of value to share.
• I think people really do know me, I have been writing about my life for years. 
• I am lovable.
• The world would not be better off without me.

My tapes play.

I give my new responses.

Now I just have to start believing my responses.

You see, I may not be stuck in the mud anymore, but I am still walking through the mud. I haven't made it to dry dirt yet, let alone the trail that leads to the path, and the path that leads to home. No, I am still walking through the mud!

And you get to walk through it with me! How fun is that!!

I was sitting in church yesterday and this Psalm came up.

Psalm 77

1  I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,
    and I would not be comforted.

And I said, "Yes, exactly."

Here is the funny part. I already know how this ends. God, loves me, and I have worth. 

When it comes down to it, I really think that I just like to make myself miserable. 

I told this to Trevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvor and he said, "Making you miserable is my job, don't do my job!"

I will ponder this. 

Do you know what the best part of not being stuck in the mud is?

No really, do you know?

I am still trying to figure it out. 

I am no longer stuck, but it is still hard to walk, it takes a lot of effort. 

Thanks for walking with me, I don't think I could do this without you.

Blessings,

Roger