It will be good to get these boots off, my feet a starting to smell!

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I woke up this morning after a hard night of restless sleep. 

I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard night sleeping until I looked down and saw that I went to bed with my boots on.

Yep, they were muddy boots. 

I really have to figure out a way to get out of the mud before Laurie starts making sleep outside again. 

The trudging is getting a bit easier since I have become honest and vulnerable about the darkness that is my mind, and the mean, nasty tapes that tell me what a worthless piece of (well you fill in the blank) I am. 

I have learned a few things lately.

I have learned that people love me and want the best for me. 

I have learned that people find value in me.

Best of all, I have learned that there are people in my life that have my back!

When I say that someone has my back, I need to unpack that statement a bit. 

People have different definitions and ideas about having one's back, so I better explain to you what I mean when I say "I have your back." It is a safety thing, a trust thing, I need to know that people will have my back the same way I have theirs if I am to let them in and truly help me. 

Here is how I have learned to define it. I learned it in the military. 

I like to say that I had a lot of fun when I was young. 

I usually say this after someone asks, "Just exactly how many surgeries have you had?"

When I reply, "10 so far"

They just look at me and say "Oh my god that is a lot."

I say, "I had a lot of fun when I was young."

Granted, some surgeries were from sports, and others were from other things.

I am not going to talk about what I did or how I got hurt during my time serving my country.

I will say this about the team I was on. 

I knew that I was coming home. 

I knew that I was coming home, or they would die trying to get me home.

They knew that they were coming home, or I would die trying to get them home.

They knew that if they were drowning and I was trying to get them to the surface, I would either get them there or drown with them.

I would not let go.

I knew that if I was drowning (something that I do not recommend, it isn't much fun) they would get me to the surface or drown trying to get me there.

They would not let go.

It didn't matter if we got into a fight the night before. It did not matter if I was mad at them or they were mad at me. When it came to having my back, there was no doubt.

They had my back, and I had theirs.

It is amazing what a team can do when they know that no matter what happens, they are one and that no one will leave or forsake them. 

I had brought this mentality forward to chaplaincy. 

If I came alongside someone, they knew I had their back. I didn't give up, I wouldn't leave them.

As one of our Executive Directors likes to say (I would like to give this person a name, but I haven't decided what name to use yet), "Long story short."

I will give this my little twist, "Long story longer."

Once I became vulnerable and honest about the darkness in my mind, I had a number of people very close to me say that they have my back.

When they said they had my back, I told them my definition of "having one's back."

Do you know what they said?

They said, "Yes, exactly."

Another little nugget; it is impossible to feel alone when you know that you have people that have your back. 

As I said earlier, "It is amazing what a person can do when they know somebody has their back.

I am still trudging through the mud, but for the first time, I can see dry ground.

It will be good to get these boots off, my feet a starting to smell!

The question that I have is, "Do you have somebodies back? Do you know that somebody has your back?"

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger