Then Martha called!

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well. 

This is a story of a man named Rog.

A poor chaplain barely kept his family lodged.

Until one day, he was cooking up some food.

And out from the phone came a bubbling crude.

Telemarketer, that is.

Well, the next thing you know, ole Rog is throwing a fit.

Telling the marketer, "Oh man, this is it!" 

This is how it started. 

I had come home after a great day! A day in which I had positively impacted many people for Christ, and I was busy patting myself on the back when the phone rang, so I answered it. 

Now, remember this is back in the days before mobile phones. Well, that is not entirely true; we had mobile phones they just looked like this.

You were mobile, just not very mobile. 

It was also before caller I.D. 

Why did I answer the phone if I didn't know who was calling? Well, that is what we did in the old days. We didn't screen calls; we didn't just let it go to voicemail if we were home. We answered the phone. 

I answered the phone because I thought it was somebody I wanted to talk t. After all, I had a great day and wanted to brag about it, very chaplainy, I know. 

I said, Hello?"

The voice on the other end said, "Hello, Mister Butler?"

That was when I knew I had a telemarketer on the line.

I said, "Yes."

The voice said, "Hi, my name is Mike, and I am from AT&T. Do you have a minute?"

I said, "No," even though I did.

Mike said, "Is this a good time?"

I said, "No," even though it wasn't a bad time. I wasn't actually doing anything.

We went back and forth for a while until, in utter frustration, I said, "Mike, I am not interested," and hung up. 

I was in the middle of feeling perfectly sorry for myself when that still small voice said, "All Mike was doing was his job. It was you who wasn't doing yours."

Ouch, that hurt. 

That is when I got mad at God and yelled at him.

I often wonder if it is just me, or do others yell and argue with God too?

I continued to rant, and God continued to listen. 

Finally, I said, "OK fine, the next telemarketer that calls, this is what I will say, "I am so glad you called. I promise to listen to whatever it is you have to say. I may even buy whatever it is you want to sell; if first, you allow me to pray with you and share the good news of Jesus Christ."

God said, "OK."

I thought, man am I smart. The moment I say that I will hear a click on the other end of the line (Yes, we used to hear a click when the phone hung up, You young'uns don't know what you are missing). I can't believe God fell for it! 

I am so smart!

A few days later, I held a Bible study at my house. I had told everyone about my telemarketer idea, and they thought it was funny. 

In the middle of the study, the phone rang. I said, "Oh, I bet it is a telemarketer," and jumped for the phone. 

I said, "Hello?" 

The voice on the phone said somewhat hesitantly, "Hello, Mister Butler, this is Mike from AT&T."

I said enthusiastically, "Hello, Mike! I am so glad you called. I promise to listen to whatever it is you have to say. I may even buy whatever it is you want to sell; if first, you allow me to pray with you and share the good news of Jesus Christ."

I waited for the click.

Mike said, "Ok."

So I prayed with Mike and talked about Jesus. After about 20-minutes, we did the sinner's prayer together.  Then Mike hung up without ever talking about his AT&T program that he had called to sell me. 

The bible study just sat there stunned. 

Over the next few days, the phone calls started to pour in. I talked to one young man for over two hours before telling him that he better try to sell me something or he would get into trouble. 

He said, "this job sucks; what you are talking about is really important." 

This went on for months.

I would get home and spend my evenings talking with telemarketers about God, and they never would try to sell me anything. 

Then Martha called!

One day I came home from work, and the phone rang. I picked it up and said, "Hello."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Hello, Mister Button (Right then and there, I knew I had someone important. Her voice sounded very authoritative, and it had that 'speaker box' sound) I am Martha from AT&T."

I started with, "Martha, I am so glad you called; I promise to lis.." that is when Marsha interrupted me. 

Marsha said, "Mister Button, my people only have two minutes per phone call, and you are taking up too much of their time!"

I laughed inside; I was getting scolded for simply answering my phone.

I responded, "Martha, I was unaware of the two-minute thing. But now that I do, I am sure I can work with that."

Martha retorted, "Mister Button, you don't understand. My people have a job to do and can't just talk to you all night!"

I replied, "Martha, I know your people have a job to do, but you see, your people did call me. Martha, I am a pastor, and I have a job to do too. So, Martha, I am so glad you called. I promise to listen to whatever it is you have to say. I may even buy whatever it is you want to sell; if, first, you allow me to pray with you and share the good news of Jesus Christ. Martha, do we have a deal?"

Martha said, " No!" and hung up on me!"

I just stood there holding the phone, recalling the encounter in my mind. I had a picture in my head of a conference or training room, Martha at the front and all these telemarketers at the table. Martha was going to show them how to handle someone like me. Martha had called me to yell at me for wasting her employee's time. What a turn of events. 

AT&T had backlisted me! 

I didn't have to get mad.

I didn't have to threaten them with a lawsuit

I didn't have to place my name on a no-call list.

They also must have sent the word out since the other companies stopped calling. The only problem was, now I wanted them to call;  I would collect the spam mail from the mailbox and magazines and fill them out; pretty soon, the telemarketers would call and I would get to say my spiel again. 

This worked all the way up until the robot calls started coming in. 

That was a sad day. 

I had discovered two things:

1. God is smarter than I am.
2. If I just do what God calls me to, amazing things happen.
3. If I give up on what I think I am entitled to and look at the opportunities staring me in the face, my job gets much easier.

I know that is three things and not two. One of the best things about being a theologian is not having to worry about the math. 

Do you ever argue and outsmart God, or is it just me?

Something to ponder.

Blessings,

Roger