I am glad that God saw this little farm kid from Kansas and said, "I will use that one."

Good morning,
I pray the day finds you well.

It is morning, barely. It is around 12:15am and I am awake.

It has been a couple of days since I have talked with you.

It is Chemo week.

This week turned out to be a bit different than was originally planned.

Monday is normally my long day between 6-8 hours of poison dripping in my arm, depending on how fast the stuff can drip on that particular day.

Tuesday is my short day around 4 hours of the drip.

This week was different.

Monday turned out to be test day and a longer consult day.

My Oncologist wanted to take a good look at my numbers and after doing so he made the decision that this may well be my last treatment. He went ahead and scheduled my 6th treatment for the end of July, but also scheduled my Pet-scan for the week before. If my Pet-scan comes back clean we won't do any more treatments and I go on maintenance.

The consult as usual was a two-way consult. He consulted me about my cancer and the treatment he thought would be best. I did a lot of listening (chaplains have to be good at listening) and talked with him about his anxiety that Covid-19 is causing. My nurse was in tears as she talked about how frightened she was that she would give one of their patients Covid. She is not positive and is hyper vigilant, but lives in fear of bringing the disease into the clinic. They both fear for me, that is one reason they want to cut the treatment short if they can. My immune system is a wreck. I told them both how much I appreciated them and that they were saving my life.

So Monday was testing and consulting day.

Tuesday turned into my long day. The "Y" had a board meeting on Tuesday that I was going to ZOOM in on. One of my cocktails that they feed me makes me very tired and I fell asleep. When I awoke the meeting was over. Hopefully Daryl will catch me up on the goings ons (a Kansas phrase, yes I know it is not grammatically correct).

The long day cocktail gives me insomnia, thus the late night conversation. Look at that Jennifer I got to use the word "thus".

Wednesday will be a long day. Wednesday will go like this.
-Early morning prayer call.
-a 9am conference call with my sister and her care team; she has stage 4 breast cancer and is a lot farther down the road than I am. I will be helping her with medical decisions from here on out.
-Check in with the Summer lunch team we have served 223 meals in the first 6 days, well done team. I am honestly glad that I have a truly autonomous, successful team that I can rely on during this time.
-Go to the Dairy farm.
-I will end my day with my prayer team call at 6pm. At least that is how I think I will end my day. God will tell. Literally God will tell, He is in charge and I am not.

I am reminded of when I was in the hospital last January. We were doubled up because of the flu. I was rooming with Jerry. Jerry was dying. He only had a short time left. I had the honor and privilege to help him during that time. Jerry was a talker and he talked a lot. I listened a lot. We talked end of life stuff. I would take walks around the floor with his wife. I would listen to and talk with his daughter and her husband. End of life is hard. I was glad that I was there to help.

My friend Matt (he is the pastor of Rhapsody church, the church at the "Y") came to visit me during this time. I had done a training with the church on "Care Ministry" that included hospital visits. Matt said he was practicing on me. Anyway, as we were talking Jerry was taken down to get a blood transfusion and a nurse came in.

She said, "Being a chaplain is hard. you don't even get a break when you are sick and in the hospital."

Matt just looked at her and replied, "How do you take a break from yourself, from who you are? This is who Roger is, it is more than what he does."

I told Matt his hospital visit was going great until he chastised a nurse. Keep working on it my friend you will get it.

When I go to the Dairy Farm I get to listen to people who are a long way down the road.
-Some are tired.
-Some are scared.
-Some are angry.
I do a lot of listening. I am glad I can help.

I am glad that God saw this little farm kid from Kansas and said, "I will use that one."

How is God using you?

Something to ponder.

Blessings,
Roger