Henri's quote gives me peace.

 Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I am discovering that walking through the trees on a nice dirt path is a lot easier than trudging through the mud. I the longer I walk this path the more energy I have and the lighter my heart becomes. 

The trees keep me from looking too far ahead. I think God has me in the trees while He trains me to focus on the here and now, not looking too far into the future and definitely not looking into the past. 

As I wander along, not really singing a song, I am finding more peace. Once I began keeping my life verse in the forefront of my mind I have found that I am not so anxious. I am not sure about the depression part, but I don't want to dwell on it. Dwelling on stuff is never good. 

As I walk through the trees, I find myself wondering why I haven't heard from anyone. I began to dwell on the fact that people that I thought would check on me, haven't. I was in the middle of this thought, feeling a bit down and lonely, then God reminded me of something Henry Nouwen had written once.

Henri Said:

"When you keep going anxiously to the mailbox in the hope that someone “out there” has thought about you; when you keep wondering if and what your friends are thinking of you; when you keep having hidden desires to be a somewhat exceptional person in this community; when you keep having fantasies about guests mentioning your name; when you keep looking for special attention from the abbot or any one of the monks; when you keep hoping for more interesting work and more stimulating events – then you know that you haven’t even started to create a little place for God in your heart.

When nobody writes anymore; when hardly anyone even thinks of you or wonders how you are doing; when you are just one of the brothers doing the same things as they are doing, not better or worse; when you have been forgotten by people – maybe then your heart and mind have become empty enough to give God a real chance to let his presence be known to you."

Henri's quote gives me peace. 

God is walking with me. He will have my back even when I am forgotten. 

In the midst of my depression, the enemy did his very best to keep me from God, from relying on Him. I didn't realize it, but I was trying to handle things myself.

I don't know if I ever told you, but I grew up in a small town. The school I attended was so small that we played half-court football. The game only got hard on punt and kickoff returns. I would run past everyone to the 50-yard line and then have to turn around and run through them all again. Uggg.

Our track team was so small that I was the only person on it. For the most part, everything was fine, except for the relay races. I was the only one on it. Why I had to run with a baton always mystified me. I still had to pass the baton; I did this by handing it from one hand to the other. Every so often I would mess it up and drop the baton.

My coach would just look at me and say, "Roger, you could mess up a one-man really race!"

When I try to handle things without God my coach's words come to mind.

"When nobody writes anymore; when hardly anyone even thinks of you or wonders how you are doing; when you are just one of the brothers doing the same things as they are doing, not better or worse; when you have been forgotten by people – maybe then your heart and mind have become empty enough to give God a real chance to let his presence be known to you."

As I wander down the path, God's presence is with me, I feel it just as you feel the shirt on your back.

I am walking with God.

How are you doing?

Are you running a one-man relay race or are you walking with the Big guy?

Something to ponder.

Blessing,

Roger