I left my traveling companion with the canoe. Looking back, I think that was a bad move.

Good morning,

I pray the day finds you well.

I have ripped the rearview mirror off my car of life, and somebody keeps putting it back on. I have ripped it off more times than I can remember and every time I glance over it is back again; it is very frustrating. 

I had to get out of the canoe and walk ahead, just to see what was around the bend of the river. 

The river is still flat and peaceful and there are no dangers present in the near future. Yet, I cannot get over the feeling that something bad is about to happen and there is nothing I can do about it?  I don't know what it is or could be, but I cannot help but feel this way. 

Every time I feel as if something bad is going to happen, I cannot help but look back to see if I missed something that could indicate why I feel this way. When I look back I see the old stuff, the depressing stuff. I cannot see anything that could indicate a bad thing happening in the future, but I can see the bad things of the past, and the process starts all over again.

Something bad has happened and there is nothing I can do about it, and something bad is about to happen and there is nothing I can do about it. This is not a good place to be.  

I put on my chaplain's face, and go through my Rolodex jokes and funny one-liners that I always keep available in the mental filing cabinet that is my brain. I go into my costume closet and sort through all my masks, trying, in vain mostly, to pick just the right mask to wear so people won't notice anything wrong and get too close. 

It is here, in my mental closet while I am trying on masks, that I ponder the rest of my life. I ponder things like:

• Will my friends stick around?
• Will my family stick around?
• Will I stick around?

Sometimes I wonder, what's the point?

Sometimes I know what the point is. 

I don't know why I vacillate? I suppose vacillating is better than just being stuck, but it is still quite a bother.  

I look down at the path and see that I have wandered into the mud. 

I left my traveling companion with the canoe. Looking back, I think that was a bad move. 

As I stand in my costume closet, contemplating things, I wonder if I will ever leave my closet, and if I do leave, what mask will I be wearing. 

I stand in my closet, pick up a mask, try it on, decide it isn't right, and put it down only to pick up another one. As I go through mask after mask, I wonder, "Am I the only one who struggles with life?"

I begin to hum, 

"Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And I stay it will be double"

Am I the only one? 

Do you ever feel the way I feel?

Have I been cut too deeply, too many times?

Am I bleeding out? I feel like I am bleeding out. 

Lord, I am with you all the way. I just wonder how much farther the "way" is? 

Oh look, I found the mask that will work just fine; I will put that one on.

Did I tell you the one where Trevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvor walks into the bar? You would have thought that after all the "bar" jokes he has told he would have ducked.

Blessings,

Roger